In Which Matsuda Breaks the Internet
by SmarticleParticle
Summary: What happens when you divide by zero? The Internet leaks, that's what! Can Matt use his epic hacking skills to fix the problem? Can he survive being glomped by fanfiction!Mello? Will the Task Force succumb to the awesome powers of LOLcats? Has SmarticleParticle well and truly lost it? Read the story and find out, you lazy bum. Contains crack and possibly OOCness.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or the insanity of the Internet.**

**WARNING: I make Matsuda do these things so you don't have to. Never, _ever_, under any circumstances, should you divide by zero. EVER. It will not end well, as you are about to see.**

* * *

It had been a fairly uneventful day at the Task Force's headquarters—then again, most days were uneventful now. L was eating sweets. Watari was making tea. Misa was fangirling. Matsuda was pretending to work. Everything was completely normal.

In a way, it was quite a blessing to be the underdog. Sure, nobody ever took him seriously or expected him to go far in life, but Matsuda had worked out that mediocrity did have its advantages. For example, nobody expected him to do anything useful, which was why he was presently scrolling through hundreds of captioned photographs of cats.

The young detective sighed. He considered doing some work, but quickly discarded that thought. It wasn't like there was anything _to_ do.

For no apparent reason, an idea began to formulate in Matsuda's brain. This was quite a rare occurrence, which made it all the more exciting. He opened a new tab. Didn't people say that if you divided by zero, the world would end? He sat up, suddenly interested. If the rumours were fake—which they obviously were—then he would become famous! He'd be known as The Man Who Dared To Divide By Zero! He smiled to himself, liking the sound of his new name.

"Nobody will ever look down on me again," he breathed. "What could go wrong? It's not like a simple sum can end the world."

With shaking fingers, he entered "0 divided by 0" into the Google Search bar. After a moment's hesitation, he pressed the Enter key.

Matsuda leant back, not realising he had inched forward in anticipation. He waited for a few more seconds. Nothing happened.

The young man shrugged nonchalantly. "I knew it wouldn't work. If I had thought the world would end, I wouldn't have done it," he said, trying to convince himself as much as anything. If he was honest, he hadn't been 100% sure that what he was doing was safe.

He sighed again, and was just about to start attempting to be useful when he heard a soft noise from behind him. It was only a fait sound, but it was the unmistakable mewling of a cat.

Matsuda slowly turned in his swivel chair, brown eyes wide with horror. Sure enough, a small kitten sat on the floor, licking its paws and looking very pleased with itself. It was definitely one of the kittens he had been looking at earlier. Matsuda swallowed hard, and ran a trembling hand through his hair.

"Oh, _shit_," he whimpered.

* * *

The hissing of the kettle swathed the kitchen in a soothing sibilance. Watari hummed softly as he poured a cup of tea for himself. The past week had been bliss; there had been little development in the Kira case, and the old man had been able to relax a bit. He may have been a badass secret agent/hacker/butler/sniper, but he _was_ eighty-five years old. Even though he was in remarkably good health for his age, he still appreciated the peace and quiet.

As soon as he had completed that thought, a massive force slammed into him and sent him flying against the opposite wall, knocking his glasses askew. He had time to register a bright rainbow _thing_ before the world swam into darkness.

It was several minutes before Watari came round. The first thing he registered was the scraping of a giant, rough tongue licking his face. The second was the sharp smell of burned Pop-Tart.

He looked up and found himself staring into the yellow eyes of an oversized grey cat. He cautiously moved himself into a sitting position and checked himself over. Miraculously, he was unhurt, though his head pounded a bit.

He wished he could say the same for the wall of his apartment. There was an oversized-cat-shaped hole in it, and bits of concrete and rubble littered the floor.

"The logical thing to ask myself," Watari stated to no-one in particular, "is if someone has somehow managed to spike my tea. However," he pulled himself to his feet, "if you were able to fly though my wall with no apparent means of propulsion, this could have astounding implications on the future of aviation—provided you are not a hallucination." Watari was now directly addressing the cat.

He hadn't exactly been expecting an answer, but Watari was nevertheless affronted when the cat ignored him, turned and flew out through the hole in his wall, pooping rainbows as it went. He could also have sworn he heard it singing something, but there were no discernible lyrics other than, "NyanNyanNyanNyanNyan."

The events of the last five minutes brought Watari to a conclusion; either he was high, or there was something very, very wrong. Considering all the unfortunate, odd or random things which had ever happened to L and the Task Force, it was probably Matsuda's fault. These things usually were. If his reasoning was correct, then the next logical step would be to go and check on the Task Force. Watari cherished this thought; he had a feeling that his world was about to become parched of logic very quickly.

As he left his plush apartment and the gaping hole in it, Watari got the feeling that it was going to be one of those days.

* * *

**A/N: I know I said this would be crack, but when I uploaded this, it seemed almost... normal? Don't worry, it will have some kind of plot, but prepare for the craziness next time. ^_^**

**x~SmarticleParticle~x**


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